Tag Archives: rice

My March Madness of Mastication and Moreish Morsels

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So today’s review is of an establishment with whom I have a bit of a history since I used to work for them.  The place in question is Stir Crazy Fresh Asian Grill, or just Stir Crazy for short.  They have branches all over the United States, but the one I went to is located at Oakbrook Mall in Illinois in the western suburbs of Chicago.  My history with them derives from a brief period of time where I worked for them as a host, so I’m quite well versed in their menu and their franchise in general.

First, Stir Crazy is a pan-Asian restaurant that offers dishes that are not quite as authentic to the actual cuisine of the nations they claim to represent (Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, Thai), but they do have some creative entries like the plate I ordered.  Second, they are very  accommodating for any sort of dietary restrictions in terms of dieting customers, food allergies, and gluten-free sauces.  Finally, they have good service which my former fellow coworkers manage to bring to all of the customers who entered the doors even if they are being difficult.

Their menu contains many Asian restaurant classics like orange chicken, different kinds of fried rice, and even pho.  Plus, the name Stir Crazy comes from their signature “make-your-own” stir fry bar.  You can choose between this option or a classic sit-down meal, but with the former, you have the option of making your dish a bit healthier since you control everything that goes into your meal without any extra specifications.  It’s a very straight-forward process where you pick your meat or tofu and then rice, noodles, or no starch option.  After that, you go up to the vegetable and seasoning bar to fill up your bowl with various types of produce and sauces.  From there, it is fried up by the cooks in an open kitchen for all to watch, or you can sit down and have your food brought to you.  I forewent this option and instead ordered my favorite dish on the menu: Thai tacos ($15.25).  IMG_2503While tacos are normally synonymous with Mexican food, Stir Crazy has managed to combine a perfect fusion dish where they take the roti flatbread common to southern Asian cuisine and create tacos.  I ordered two beef and two chicken tacos, but there is also a tofu option for all those veggie heads out there.  It came with a side of fried rice that was rich but not too greasy.  I also enjoyed the broccoli pieces that pepped up an otherwise standard recipe.  I finished that off first before tucking into the tacos.  They came with a spoon of chili-infused mayo that I liberally showered upon the tacos, and I did not regret that decision at all.  These tacos had everything going for them with each bite.  From the sweet and savory sauce that enveloped the pieces of tender meat to the cool and crispy cucumber strings and crispy roti, I was loco for these tacos.  They were light but filling which checked all the boxes for this starving gourmand.

So if you’re looking for a good pan-Asian restaurant with some creative but slightly more expensive dishes, check out a Stir Crazy by you!

Stir Crazy Fresh Asian Grill on Urbanspoon

Sundae Bloody Sundae/Jjampong All Night Long

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Hey hey, everybody!  Welcome to another masterful Mastication Monologues which is just getting better and better as my time in South Korea winds down.  Today I’ll be bringing you two Korean specialties that I had been hearing about for ages but never tried until now.  First, there is sundae (soon-day) which is not the ice cream treat everyone loves, but rather a sausage made with blood.  There is a similar type of sausage in other cuisines like black pudding in England, morcilla in Spain, or kiszka in Poland.  However, it’s not for everyone.  Naturally, I like going off the beaten path when it comes to food, so my friend Bora took me to a specialty sundae restaurant near Sillim station where we’d meet up with her other friend.  I didn’t know what exactly to expect as we walked up the stairs of a pretty dilapidated building, but I was surprised to see how big and popular the place was.IMG_1982  People seemed genuinely surprised to see me there as I walked past tables of soju drinkers inhaling the savory scents coming from the large grills in front of them.  I couldn’t get a good look at the food since the old woman server was gruffly dragging us to her table.  Once seated, we got some sweet aprons that were totally my style…I would be thankful for mine later on in the meal.

My fellow diners

My fellow diners

IMG_1976They supplied us with a complimentary bowl of grilled liver chunks doused with a sesame sauce and seeds.IMG_1979  It was a great antipasto since each piece was firm and packed with rich, meaty tones with shades of the sesame seeds mixed in.  Our brusque server proceeded to bring a large grill similar to the aforementioned ones and piled slices of burgundy sundae, chopped and oiled vegetables, and noodles on the hot surface.  After about ten minutes of waiting, it was deemed ready to eat.  IMG_1981They also provided some sort of chili sauce (center of the grill in the picture) with that seemed like chopped nuts on top which ended up tasting like spicy peanuts.  As for the melange of ingredients on the grill, they were fantastic on the whole.  The eatery’s specialty, the sundae, was slightly chewy but bursting with a slightly iron-rich tang.  My favorite part was the noodles when they fried to a crispy layer that added a welcomed crunch to a mostly chewy meal.  I started to slow down eating when my dining companions apparently ordered fried rice, but the restaurant supposedly didn’t have any more rice which was shocking.  So the server managed to get some out of her own secret stash in her bag (Why she was carrying rice in her bag in the first place is beyond me) along with some cut-up parsley.  It was nothing special.  However, what I had next was unique as being touted as the spiciest and most popular soup in Korea.

As if I thought I couldn’t eat anymore, Bora and Youngmi brought me to Shingildong Spicy Jjambbong located at 165-5 Shingil-dong, Yeongdeungpo-gu, Seoul   (신길동 매운짬뽕, 서울특별시 영등포구 신길동 165-5) for the spicy jjampong (seafood noodle soup) challenge.IMG_1983 It’s so popular in Korea that their main sign has all of the tv channels it has been featured on, and the actual name of the place is only a small name plaque hanging next to the building off a traditional Korean statue.

Black:  Singil-dong (neighborhood) Red- May Oon Jjampong or "spicy jjampong"

Black: Singil-dong (neighborhood)
Red:  May Oon Jjampong or “spicy jjampong”

For months, Bora and Youngmi had also prepped me for what to expect with the spicy jjampong including:  swollen lips, seared nostrils, and a scorched gastro-intestinal tract.  There have been cases of people passing out from the heat, and they have plastic bags in the bathroom for people throwing up.  The official policy is that you have to puke in the bag and throw it out elsewhere because the proprietors were tired of cleaning up the patrons’ stomach contents constantly.  How could I say no?  We first purchased plenty of dairy products to fight the inferno I was about to ingest and then walked in.IMG_1998  The owner was extremely gregarious and excited that a waygookin (foreigner) was going to take on the challenge.  Bora informed him I had tried the Drop Dead Donkatsu challenge before, and he said (in Korean), “The donkatsu is just spice with no flavor.  My jjampong is spicy and tasty.  In my kitchen, it’s pure science.”IMG_1987  After a couple snapshots, I sat down like a man condemned to his last meal as I looked around at all of the warning signs I was walking into a disaster.  Most of it was in Korean with warnings like “out of body experience”, “I shit fire”, or this lovely one.IMG_1994

Just slightly afraid.

Just slightly afraid.

Right before the soup came out, they gave me a mountain of pickled yellow radish slices which was another ominous omen. IMG_1985 Before I knew it, I was face to face with the infamous cauldron of doom. IMG_1988 My fear must have gotten the best of me as I was trying to find the right way to eat it and even forgot how to use chopsticks as shown in my video.  Skip ahead to 1:30 if you want to see me actually eating the noodles and skip all of my fumbling and commentary.

The fear is gripping me.

The fear is gripping me.

When the noodles finally got cool enough to eat, I slurped them up much to the horror of the spectators watching this exercise in pain.  I found the spicy kick to have an immediate effect, but it was mainly focused on my tongue as it was enveloped in a blanket of spice.

The spice has made me crazy!

The spice made me crazy!

It was like eating a mouthful of habaneros, but it wasn’t terrible.  The fumes were actually noxious and bothered my nose now and then, but Youngmi and Bora were actually coughing.  I picked out the mussels and focused on the noodles.  The owner came out to check how I was doing, and I was coping with it like a champ to his dismay.  So he then proceeded to feed me the broth on the spoon with a “here comes the airplane” baby technique which was pretty funny.  However, I realized that the broth was a million times spicier than the soaked noodles, and the vegetables were the worst part since they were like little sponges soaking up the devil’s potion.  Bora told me the radish slices are traditionally put on the tongue to alleviate the diner’s suffering, so I gave it a shot.  I think she just wanted me to look silly, but it did help a little bit.

Just playin' with my food

Just playin’ with my food

Overall, I came through with flying colors for my final spice challenge in Korea, and the owner was right; his soup was extremely flavorful with a spice that was the equivalent of a raging forest fire in my mouth.  So if you’re feeling like you’re up for a challenge or want to get a good laugh while watching your friends eat it/suffer through it, go to Spicy Jjampong.

I don't clown around when it comes to spicy food

I don’t clown around when it comes to spicy food.

Tokyo (Day 4)- Having My Japanese Pancakes and Eating Them Too

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So after dinner on day 3 I went out with my new friend I made from the hostel in Roppongi, and then I made the decision to not sleep in order to stay up to see the world famous Tsukiji tuna auction.  The no-sleep decision was prompted by the fact that they open the visitor line around 3:30 a.m., and it’s first come, first serve with limited spots.  When I got there, I was the second one in line after a Japanese woman, but within the space of ten minutes, there was a line out the gate.  While I was waiting, I munched on this Calorie Mate snack I saw in the convenience store.IMG_1793IMG_1794 I was nerding out since it’s a common food for Solid Snake to eat in Metal Gear Solid 3.

"Mmmm, I want some more!"

“Mmmm, I want some more!”

It ended up being a packet of chocolate cookies that supposedly had multivitamins in it. IMG_1825 Either way it hit the spot while I was attempting to keep my wits about me in line while the fishermen buzzed around me like an ant colony on speed.  The downside of being early was they then herded us into a waiting room where we had to wait for an hour and a half.  Needless to say most people fell asleep on the floor, but we eventually were escorted to one of the most famous moments of food trading. IMG_3441 It was also the most over-hyped thing I was told to see in Tokyo which was kind of sad after not sleeping for almost 24 hours. IMG_3444 However, I looked forward to getting some great sushi at Daiwa Sushi in building 6.  Surprise surprise, I was waiting in another line to get into the restaurant for an hour and a half.  I eventually gave up my spot and went to the sushi stop right next door to it where there were a couple people inside and no line.IMG_1830  I went for the tuna bowl which was transcendent in regard to the overall quality of the pink salmon sheets and crimson tuna chunks. IMG_1829 The rice was fresh with a liberal sprinkling of dried seaweed, and there was plenty of potent wasabi horseradish to back up each bite with a sinus-clearing caress.  A veritable bounty of the ocean on a bed of quality starches.  As soon as I scarfed down the bowl and saw the people I waited in line with still weren’t in the restaurant, I laughed to myself all the way back to my sweet sweet bed at the hostel.

After a refreshing slumber, I awoke to a more laid back day that eventually resulted in me getting lunch on Tsukishima island in southeast Tokyo.  I decided to go there because they specialize in monjayaki which is a Tokyo version of the ever-popular Osaka creation okonomiyaki.  The main difference between these two pancake-esque creations is that the monjayaki is a bit more liquid compared to the doughy okonomiyaki.  I came out Tsukishima station exit 7 and walked a bit down to see a row of restaurants advertising what looked like the pancakes.  I chose one with a ship on top of it because it looked quite popular based on the advertisements, so I walked in to find an empty restaurant with just two old women cleaning the grills. IMG_1841IMG_1840 I could tell by their shocked expressions that they were probably closed like a lot of restaurants seem to do after the peak lunch hour, but they didn’t seem to mind serving me after I repeatedly signed that I was going to leave them be out of awkward foreigner shame.IMG_1836  I saw that their menu had the monjayaki, and I picked the option that had crispy tempura crusts mixed in.  There were plenty more choices that included cheese, cucumbers, rice cake, and tomatoes to name a few.  The woman came out to mix up a bowl of vegetables and batter, and when she put it on the grill it literally looked like a puddle of vomit.

The approach...

The approach…

Go home.  You're drunk.

Go home. You’re drunk.

Mmmm tasty!  However, when it began to fully cook, I realized that there must have been a misunderstanding with the menu.  It seems I had ordered okonomiyaki since it was a solid pancake creation that was quickly topped with mayonnaise, soy sauce, spices, and onion shavings. IMG_1839 Either way, I wasn’t complaining because I had never had either of them in my life.  The okonomiyaki didn’t let me down one bit. IMG_1838 It was a thick, savory pancake that was crunchy yet fluffy, bland yet fiery due to my liberal sprinkling of the chili pepper.  Okonomiyaki means “something grilled how you like it” in Japanese, and I grilled it to its optimum level of deliciousness.  This Osaka import satisfied my search for a good griddlecake in the middle of Japan in the middle of the day.

I topped off my relaxing day with a night stroll through Harajuku which is considered the hub of all the latest youth fashions.  However, I wasn’t going there to sport my latest Rockabilly pompadour or crossdress like a gothic Lolita.  I was going to Kyushu Jaugara which is known for its excellent tonkatsu ramen.  I went there by taking the Chiyoda line to Meiji-jingumei stop, and made an u-turn out of the exit three.  It was right by the Harajuku Quest store, and I couldn’t miss it by its incredibly loud exterior that practically served as a hype man like Flava-Flav for Public Enemy. IMG_1853 When I walked in, the place was hoppin’ with lots of customers seated around the kitchen counter with their faces making sweet love to the noodles within. IMG_1849IMG_1848IMG_1847 Thankfully they had random smatterings of English on the posters, but I also saw that they had an English menu for those who want to have more of a leisurely stroll through their offerings.  The hot and spicy option on the wall immediately got me jonesing for a bowl, so they gave me a small, red plastic chip to give to the cook.  As I waited, I inspected the various spices and free pickled vegetables they had to offer customers along with the large jugs of free water.  Eventually, I was eye to strand with this bowl of perfection for a cold night. IMG_1851 The noodles were firm yet not al dente, and the broth itself had a spicy kick to it that was between a jalapeno and a habanero level of spice.  I loved the fatty pieces of bacon and the green onions, but the strange red sauce didn’t really fit in with the rest of the soup.  I stirred it in, and it was the only neutral element to this Club Med pool party of awesome.  The hard boiled egg resembled a beluga whale slowly drifting through the numerous waves caused by my voracious slurpring per the local custom.  The cook was watching me eat his noodles, and I gave him a thumbs up and a smile while saying, “Very good!”  He replied with a chuckle and an “Excellent!”.  I noticed I followed the proper etiquette for eating the ramen on the counter that said you shouldn’t add any spices and consume the noodles while they’re piping hot.  It was a real cultural experience that lit up my night as bright as the Harajuku neon-splashed avenues.

Tokyo (Day 2)- Whale of a Tale/Silent But Delicious

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So day 2 in Tokyo started off with a terrible hitch since I tried to sleep earlier than normal and rise at 2 a.m. in order to see the world famous Tsukiji Fish Market tuna auction.  I dragged my zombie self downstairs and into a cab.  As we arrived, it looked suspiciously devoid of activity, and I saw the sign said “Regular holiday”…th0gnqw9n0G$#@!  8 hours of sleep and 60 bucks poorer, I threw my sad self into my bed.

I only slept for about five hours, and eventually I decided to check out Matsuya which was right across the street.  Hiromi, the front desk girl from my first post who recommended the fugu restaurant, gave me the name of this place after I asked her for a place where Japanese people eat breakfast.  She was very specific too in insisting that I get the natto special.  For those who don’t know, natto is a popular Japanese breakfast food that consists of fermented soy beans.  So I shuffled my zombie self over to Matsuya, and I looked for brain…er…natto. IMG_3371 I found it on the poster, but then I walked inside to find a machine with pictures and coin slots on it.  I then realized you had to put in your order and get a ticket which in turn would be given to one of the cooks.  Hooray for no language barriers through cold, impersonal technology!  I looked around the convoluted diner counter at the busy salarymen quickly slurping down their noodles or a group of old timers slowly sipping their tea while having a very muted conversation like only the Japanese can.  Suddenly I was chest deep in a Japanese breakfast complete with miso soup, rice, pickled veggies, a boiled egg, dried seaweed and a small tub of natto.IMG_1772  I poured myself a large glass of water from the complimentary jugs on the counter and sipped a bit of my free tea before tearing into this bargain of a meal (only 3 USD equivalent).  It was no Denny’s Grand Slam breakfast by any stretch of the imagination in regard to how hearty of a meal it was, but the fluffy, sticky rice filled me up eventually along with the crispy dried seaweed sheets that made nice encasings for the starchy staple.  The miso soup was excellent since it was warming, bursting with a savory effervesence with each spoonful.  I didn’t find the pickled vegetables to be very delicious which then led me to the star of the show:  natto.  I know my friend, Nathan, who’s with me in Korean now has always extolled the health benefits of eating this soy bean creation, so I wanted to see why he loves it so much.  When I took the seal off the container, I was greeted with a slightly pungent odor, and I watched a guy next to me put the horseradish and soy sauces in the bowl and stir it around vigorously.

That sticky-icky

That sticky-icky

I did the same, and after a decent amout of agitation, I ate a bit.  I nearly gagged with the taste and texture.  Not only were the beans oddly slippery and musty tasting, they were coated in these strings that resulted in me looking like I was munching on a spider web.  It certainly was a surreal experience for breakfast, but not one I would repeating anytime soon.  Lunch, however, I would repeat in a heartbeat.

After a whirlwind tour of the city’s shrines, I was ready to check out Kujiraya in Shibuya which is straight out the Shibuya metro station exit 3a past the 109 store. IMG_3325 IMG_3324Before walking in, I thought this sign was interesting in terms of highlighting the caloric content of the whale meat, and its inherent superiority to beef and pork. IMG_3332 This promotion of whale meat was slightly countered by the Japanese doorman indicating to me on a sheet in at least five different languages that it was an eatery that only served whale; a clear sign that eating this traditional meat could prove to be quite contentious with foreign customers.  While the Japanese are often villified for their continued whale hunting expeditions, there are communities in the Faroe Islands off of Denmak that to this day kill whales just to prove their manhood in a rite of passage.  They don’t even use the animals like the Japanese do, but I wasn’t there to make a political/moral statement.  I just wanted to try this oft talked about delicacy.  I highly recommend coming here during the lunch hour which starts at 12:30 pm since they had a great deal with lunch sets for roughly 15 dollars compared to the dinners that started at 60 dollars. IMG_1774 I got the cheapest option with the fried whale set.  It came with unlimited rice, the whale slices, miso soup, pickled vegetables, and an incredibly fresh salad. IMG_1776  The two standouts were the whale and the salad, surprisingly.  I don’t know what made the salad especially unique, but perhaps Korea isn’t known for having just regular vegetables in a salad sans vinegar or a thick slathering of mayo.  I couldn’t quite put my finger on what the tangy dressing consisted of, but I could say for certain that it was some type of vinaigrette.   Then there was the whale…Lord, the whale!IMG_1777  I could see why Captain Ahab went made looking for Moby Dick because it was quite possibly one of the greatest meats I have ever tasted.  It was a deep burgundy with slight marbling that had a pseudo-fish flavor profile yet the buttery breading made it taste more like beef.  I would gladly eat it again if I had the chance.  This sustenance provided an excellent springboard to the wonderful and mysterious dinner I would have that night.

After resting a bit at my hostel, I walked out exit 8 at the Nagatacho metro stop to find the clandestine Ninja Akasaka restaurant.  The door blends into a non-descript corrugated wall below a shopping center, so keep your eyes peeled for the minimally lit seal on the wall that says “Ninja”.IMG_3373IMG_3374  When people think of Japan, they think of robots, Pokemon, samurai, and ninjas.  I was determined to see them all, and it just sweetened the deal to think I could eat in a ninja dojo.  I walked into the place, and it was incredibly dark.  The hostess clapped her hands, and a woman ninja literally jumped out of a wooden panel in the wall.  She spoke English as she led me through the ninja traps that were laid along the way to my table which included two trap doors and a drawbridge.  We eventually got to the dining area which thankfully was a bit lighter, but not much as we walked between narrow ninja cabins and houses on the stone pathway while torches flickered overhead.IMG_3376IMG_1787  My ninja offered to hang up my jacket as I sat down, and I joked saying, “No ninja magic?” which she got a kick out of.  She also warned me to remember my table name if I went to the bathroom because I would get lost in the labrynth.  I got the menu which was a giant scroll, and it’s not the cheapest place to eat in Tokyo.  I obviously looked at the cheaper options for the “ninja” section kept the bill under 50 USD.  I got the shuriken (ninja throwing stars) pate along with the hidden sushi along with a cup of sochu or Japanese brandy on the side.  Surprisingly it was cheaper than the beer at around 4 bucks a glass.  My server warned me it was strong, but I got it on the rocks since I’m a boss like that.  When I got it, it tasted like a weaker vodka with more of a slight floral taste.IMG_1784  The shuriken came out first in an interesting presentation where the black crackers were on a bundle of sticks which gave them the illusion of being stuck in a piece of wood. IMG_1782 The pieces of pate that I smeared on the crackers were also cut to look like throwing stars, and it was a well executed piece.  The crackers were crisp, and the pate was decadent like goose liver paste should be. IMG_1783 Then came my hidden sushi which was minimalist in design but gargantuan in flavor.  It was called “hidden” sushi because the piece of onion was hollowed out to a gossamer-thin sheet and then stuffed with rice to give each piece extra body.  IMG_1785However, it didn’t overpower the chunks of fatty tuna that were extra-tender and high quality.  The proper way to each piece was to couple the onion and tuna together while skimming them through the wasabi and chili sauce streaks on the plate.  Like a well trained ninja, the food vanquished my hunger pangs before I even knew it, but there was still the issue of dessert.  The waitress gave me a small piece of paper for the dessert menu, and I went with the snow frog.  As soon as I made my choice, she said to remember what I ordered and proceeded to light the menu on fire.  It quickly exploded leaving me to wonder what other crazy things these people had in store for my dining experience?  That question was quickly answered when the waitress told me the ninja master was coming to do magic for me.  I was greeted by a large, male ninja who proceeded to pull money out of my ears, hands, and shirt.  I need to take him to Vegas with me, and thankfully my wallet was still full.  He then did some crazy rope tricks along with a cups trick where he created potatoes and cloves of garlic out of cloth balls after he made me tap them a bunch of times while under said cups.  Eventually, my snow frog came out which was creatively presented as a frog literally made out of cream cheese and residing under a leaf on a chocolate cake lilypad. IMG_1789 The snow came from my server grating a sweet cheese over the leaf looking like some freshly fallen snow.  It was so precise and Japanese it hurt in a good way.  The cheese cake was wonderful.  It was stuffed with juicy blueberries, slices of strawberries, and a hint of kiwi.  All of that combined with the chocolate cake was the perfect flourish to one of the most unpredictable meals I’ve ever had in my life.  However, my adventure didn’t end there.  As I was being escorted out through an alternate route that ended up back at the entrance, I walked out the door to the metro stop.  Suddenly, I heard someone yell, “Arigatou gozaimashita!” (Thank you!)  I whipped around to see my ninja guide crouched down on the sidewalk with a scroll unfurled saying, “Please come again!”  It was a wonderful gesture among many others that made my ninja dinner one of the highlights of my entire Tokyo trip.  I’d recommend it to anyone if you’re looking for a dining experience that is anything but ordinary.

Cuckoo for Coco Ichiban

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Hello and welcome to another edition of Mastication Monologues!  I just finished my recording for my open class observation, and I am so happy that it’s finally over.  Therefore, I saw it fit to celebrate with trying a new restaurant that specializes in spicy curries.  I’m talking about Coco Ichiban which started in Japan, but now has locations in Korea, Taiwan, China, and even the USA.  I went to the location in Gangnam which was an adventure just trying to find it.  First off, it seems that no bloggers can accurately give directions on where this place is, and second off, Coco Ichiban’s directions are wrong for the Gangnam location even on their own website.  So I’m here to set the record straight.  You go to Gangnam station and come out exit 11.  Go straight, and you will pass one street on your right.  Keep going straight until you see the Paris Baguette on your right hand side at the second street, make a right.  Go straight and make a left on the next street you hit.  Walk all the way down until you get to an odd 4 way intersection.  Veer off to your right, and you can’t miss it on your right hand side.

It'll be on your right

It’ll be on your right

After wandering for a half hour trying to find it given the crappy directions, I walked in to a bustling restaurant. IMG_1027 Their menu consists mainly of curries (7-10,000 Won), omaraisus, pho, and combo meals where you can get a curry, salad, and drink (soda or yogurt drink/lassi) for about 13,000 Won.  I went for the pork cutlet curry (9,100 W), and they have an interesting chain of events for ordering. IMG_1020 First, you pick how much rice you want with your curry (standard is 300 grams; extra rice= extra moolah).  Then you can put different types of meat, fish, and vegetables in the curry sauce to accompany your main meat.  Finally, there is the spice meter which ranges from 1-10; 1 being the mildest and 10 being the equivalent of drinking brimstone.  After my terrifyingly painful donkatsu challenge, I’ve become a lot warier of the spice levels advertised online because people will say it’s terrible, but it won’t bother me.  Yet the suffering I endured at Onnuriye Donkatsu was like a religious experience in the Church of Latter Day Spices.  I was definitely cleansed of my sins and probably some of my taste buds.  So I plumped for the level 5 spiciness at Coco Ichiban just to play it safe.  I saw my waitress look at me like I was a nut.  Great.  It came out at breakneck speed, but it looked absolutely scrumptious.  If you’re coming to Coco Ichiban, bring your appetite. IMG_1024 I mixed it all together and tried some of the sauce first.  It wasn’t that spicy even though people online said anything over a 3 will bring tears to your eyes.  With how quickly they made it, I was surprised at how great it tasted.  I do love my donkatsu, and it was easily one of the best ones I’ve had especially with the dried chili powder they provided me with at my table.  They did go a little bit too heavy on the sauce, but the fluffy white rice soaked it up quite well.  So each bite was swimming with spice sharks taking tiny nibbles at my palate.  I also tried some of their mystery radish that was free on the the table that I assume was there to combat the spiciness.IMG_1022  When I finished, I saw they served ice cream, so I got a sundae (3,000 Won).  What came out just left me shaking my head.

Waiter, there's red bean in my sundae!

Waiter, there’s red bean in my “sundae”!

In the middle of the plate was one of my gastronomic enemies ever since coming to Korea:  red beans.  If you’re curious, tteok or rice cake is the other one.  It is in/on certain foods when it shouldn’t be like ice cream, for example.  The verdant ice cream was quite tasty since it was green tea flavored, so it kind of had an earthy almost coffee vibe to it.  Then I tried some of the red beans, which were warm (why?!), and it just reminded me how much I dislike them.  So it was a half delicious, half depressing way to end a meal.

Overall though, I highly recommend Coco Ichiban if you like quality (spicy) curries that also come out quickly to your table.

“Aloha” Means Both “Hello” and “High Prices”

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Hey, everyone!  Welcome to another edition of Mastication Monologues!  Today’s post is about a little establishment called Aloha Table.  I recently went there to celebrate my friend Jasmine’s new job she’ll be taking up in China.   I chose Aloha Table because neither of us had been there, and I also had never tried Hawaiian food.  It’s located at 364-14, Seogyo-dong, Seodaemun-gu, Seoul, and here is their website.

When we got there, it was a little bizarre in terms of its entrance comparative to the sign that advertises the restaurant.  If you see the small, overhanging Aloha Table sign, don’t go into the door directly below it since it is a simple cafe that isn’t affiliated with the Hawaiian eatery.  Instead walk past it, and you’ll find the exquisite, black lacquered wood entrance complete with tropical plants and tiki torches at night.

Trying to be Korean with doing hand signals in pictures

Trying to be Korean with doing hand signals in pictures

We ended up being blessed with beautiful weather at night to enjoy the crowded patio.  At first, they said there was no room for a table of two, and then asked whether we’d prefer the inside seats or the outside seats.  I voiced the shared opinion that we’d like an outdoor table, and within two minutes, we were seated at a cozy table and within view of the open air grill.

The beautiful patio

The beautiful patio

The smell alone was worth the price of admission.  There were mostly Koreans there, and when we saw the menu, we could see they adjusted their prices for that reason since Koreans love to spend money on expensive food.  That and some of the ingredients are hard to get in Korea.  However, I was highly suspicious of the menu when they had pho on it, but no Hawaiian staples like Spam and poi.  They had different types of grilled meats (chicken, steak) along with burgers and salads.  Either way, we were starving and planned on making the most of our adventure.  We started with splitting a  pitcher of Blue Hawaii (30,000 W) which made sense economically since the average price of a drink was 9,000 W.IMG_0980  The downside when it came out was the fact that the pitcher was smaller than we thought as shown in the following picture.

I seriously don't have Shaq hands

I seriously don’t have Shaq hands

That and the fact that it tasted like we were drinking juice didn’t really justify the price.   As for food, I got a loco moco which is a Hawaiian classic dish that was invented in the 1940s and is extremely popular throughout the Pacific Islands.  I thought it was funny because it literally means, “crazy mucus” in Spanish, but my ahi ahi bowl (16,000 W) didn’t contain any bodily fluids thankfully.  My dining companion got the spicy pork rib (27,000 W).  When they both came out, I felt like I should have got the ribs with how hungry I was, but the ahi ahi moco didn’t let me down.IMG_0983  Not only did it have tender pink pieces of tuna, but the avocado, sprigs of green onion, and wasabi all mixed together within the fresh white rice to create a light yet satisfying dinner.  The lettuce on top was like a mini salad since it was drizzled with a ranch-esque dressing that didn’t quite possess the same spices like ranch dressing back home.  It was the opposite to the hulking plate of ribs on the other side of the table. IMG_0982 Not only was there a molehill of meat on the plate but a mini corn cob and a smidgen of mashed potatoes.  I didn’t try the potatoes, but the corn was perfectly grilled sans butter.  As for the ribs, they were great.  Not the best ribs I’ve ever had, but they had a great smoky sauce that is quite rare to find in Korea since Korean bbq doesn’t have any equivalent.  They also had little to no fat on them, but they weren’t overloaded with meat on the bone.  I could tell that traveling through the American South had spoiled me.

We both left greatly satisfied with our meal but not too happy with the prices.  Plus, on our way out we had our picture taken by and with fellow Korean diners we didn’t even know. IMG_0989 Why?  I have yet to hear an explanation to this phenomenon, but it was an odd end to a wonderful dining experience. So if you want to try Aloha House, remember that you’re getting high quality food with equally high prices, but it’s still a great place to try out.

 

Taiwan (Part 1)- Sh*ttiest Dinner Ever (in a good way)

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Hello everyone and welcome to another entry on Mastication Monologues!  I’m nearing the end of my series of vacation posts, but I’ve saved some of the best restaurants/foods for last.  I’ve already sampled snake soup, durian, and some great dim sum in Hong Kong, but now I’m moving onto the isla formosa a.k.a. Taiwan.  I had a great time in Hong Kong, so I was doubtful that Taiwan could top my experiences I already took part in.  Food-wise, it just got better and stranger.  Stranger not in the Camus sense, but rather my first meal in Taipei was at a restaurant where I ate out of a toilet and drank out of a urinal.  I’m talking about Modern Toilet located at 2樓, No. 7, Lane 50, Xiníng South Rd, Wanhua District, by the Ximen metro stop.  Here is their website.  I had seen it previously on a Travel Channel show with its feces-inspired dishes, so it was too odd not to pass up.

I knew I couldn’t miss the actual restaurant because the outside of the restaurant sported a giant porcelain throne as the neon beckoned me inside to finally try their bizarre dishes.IMG_0853  Everywhere you walk in the restaurant, you can’t escape the extra Japanese kawaii (cute) piles of anime excrement.

Goldmember's poo's on display

Goldmember’s poo’s on display

I guess that’s the end result of all of that Pokefood that Brock was always feeding to Pikachu and his Geodude.  Sorry, nerdlinger moment there.  Going back to the food, I wasn’t really shocked with the decor until I walked into the main dining room.

It looks so normal

It looks so normal

Every square inch of the place had something to do with the one room of the house where it’s pretty taboo to do any form of eating.

Then you see poo lights and sit on an arty throne

Then you see poo lights and sit on an arty throne

The tables consisted of sinks with glass over them while I sat on a stylized, non-functional toilet.  Oh yeah, and the lights were also piles of poo.  Thankfully they didn’t include the authentic smell with all of these dookie inspired designs.  Their menu has a mix of curries, au gratin dishes, noodles, and desserts that all revolve around bathroom functions.  I went with a simple chicken curry for 220 TWD which came with a drink on the side along with an ice cream dessert.  To drink, I got a urinal of jasmine green tea for 40 TWD.  The drink came out first, and it was in an actual hospital urinal complete with the clear plastic cap.  As if it wasn’t kitchy enough, the jasmine tea looked like real urine, but thankfully did not smell/taste like it (no, I’ve never tried it like Patches O’Houlihan).  While sipping it out of my urinal using my crazy straw, its herbal and honey tinged notes really quenched my thirst for a cold drink since it felt like a swamp outside the restaurant.  Fun fact, if you get the urinal sized drink, you can take the urinal home for free as a souvenir!  Eventually, my food came out, and it lived up to the kookiness of the restaurant.

So gimmicky, yet so tasty

So gimmicky, yet so tasty

Not only was my curry hanging out in a mini-latrine, but my pickled cabbage was kept fresh under a plastic cover shaped like, yep you guessed, it, poo.  The actual curry was well made but nothing out of the ordinary.  It went well with the rice on the side.  The warm radish soup was pretty good, and I didn’t expect it to come with my meal.  It was fairly bland, but kind of had a chicken broth undertone to each spoonful.  Once I ate all of that food, there was one last act in this three ring circus:  the ice cream dessert.  Most places serve ice-cream in a classic cone or cup, but in Modern Toilet, they serve you your chocolate and vanilla swirl ice cream in an Eastern-style squatter toilet.

A thing of beauty

A thing of beauty

The ice cream melted very quickly, but it was delectable especially the chocolate part since it had an unexpected coffee aftertaste.  I left Modern Toilet a very satisfied diner, so if you want to try some average food in an extraordinary environment, pop a squat at Modern Toilet in Taipei.

Next post, I celebrate the Moon Cake festival with an opulent and very diverse banquet.

Hong Kong (Part 2)- Stank Bomb and Russian Gangsters

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In continuance with my previous post, Hong Kong Part 1, I bring you another installation of Mastication Monologues!  This post features some a very odd food along with some just plain tasty Turkish cuisine.  However, I’m going to start at the beginning of my day where I started it off right with a proper Hong Kong breakfast.

Now most tourists wouldn’t really know where to go to get breakfast in Hong Kong since it really isn’t a city known for its flapjacks and French toast.  This is where I found the glory that is known as 茶餐厅 or a cha chaan teng or literally “tea food hall”.  What these cozy little restaurants are known for are their plates that combine both western and eastern staples to create the original Asian fusion scene in Hong Kong.  Before World War II, Western foods were considered luxury items, so no one could afford them.  However, after WWII, locals wanted to emulate their British rulers by offering cheap versions of Western food for the common people.  Thus, the cha chaan teng was born providing the once rare Western food items like cakes and breakfast items to the public along with cheap Cantonese favorites.   The cha chaan teng I went to was called Tsui Wah Restaurant, and they are all over Hong Kong. IMG_2310 I was quickly seated, and there were no other foreigners in the dining room aside from myself.  I knew I came to the right place again. IMG_0750 I picked the 31 HK satay beef and ramen noodle breakfast platter.  With this eastern entree came a side of scrambled eggs, a western bun with butter, and a cup of “silk stocking” tea or milk tea which is called the former because of its color and smoothness.  It consists of black tea and condensed or evaporated milk, and is a key part of any Hong Kong citizen’s daily life which is just another carry over from the British colonial legacy.  I was quite happy with the meal overall. IMG_0747 The eggs were pretty good although somewhat on the buttery side which was kind of odd, but the roll was slightly warm which became even better with the salty butter.  Coming from Korea and their terrible bread that’s filled with sugar, this roll tasted like heaven.  As for the beef satay with noodles, it was a hearty and savory meal for the long day ahead of me.  I also appreciated that the cha chaan teng provided deep red chili flakes soaked in spicy oil on the side with salt and pepper.  I could get used to that very quickly.  The beef was tender and slightly seasoned with some cumin while the broth was salty and contained all of the juices from the meat.  The noodles were piping hot and al dente which showed that the cooks didn’t just put some boiling water in a cup and hope for the best.  As for the silk stocking tea, it was unlike any tea I’ve ever tried.  It was silky smooth like the name implies, but with a flavor profile that ranged from earthy to herbal to the more obvious milky notes from the key ingredient aside from the tea.  Overall, it was a great deal for a big meal in a real piece of Hong Kong life, but hurry to one because they’re being phased out as new chain restaurants are taking over.  For dessert, I chose one of the most bizarre foods on earth:  durian.

For those unaware what a durian is, it’s considered the “king of fruits”, and is notorious as a foodstuff that people either love or hate.  One of durian’s chief haters is the country of Singapore where it’s illegal to possess one under a fine of 5,000 dollars.  Plus, Andrew Zimmern of Bizarre Food’s fame who has eaten everything from anuses and penises could not finish one bite of this fruit.  On the other hand, one of my heroes, Anthony Bourdain, loves the fruit.  So, I took it upon myself to finally get my hands on this spiky devil fruit.  I went to the Sogo department store in Central, and as soon as I walked into the supermarket in the basement, I came face to face with the enigmatic fruit.  It cost me about 24 HK for a date with foodie destiny. IMG_0751 It was already packed up in plastic, but the cashier insisted on wrapping it again and taped my bag up.  Oh boy….while walking I could still smell it through all of those precautions.  I decided it would only be fair to eat it in an open place instead of my hostel room.  I didn’t want to be subject to a blanket party like Pvt. Pyle in Full Metal Jacket.  Still, I sat down on a bench on my way up to the Peak and opened up the container. IMG_0752 I was immediately smacked in the face with a smell I could only liken to the worst body odor you could imagine combined with burnt hair and manure.  Appetizing, right?  So I started chowing down on the pieces, and first there was the texture.  It was like eating a gooey Camembert cheese, but it was fruit somehow.  Then there was the taste.

It was kind of hot outside as well.  Not the best compliment to the smell.

It was kind of hot outside as well. Not the best compliment to the smell.

I seriously enjoyed eating it because it reminded me of some really strong blue cheeses I ate before yet mixed with some slight notes of open sewer smell and roadkill just to keep it real with my adventurous palate.  If you are not an adventurous eater, I’d recommend trying durian ice cream or custard before deciding to dine with the king.  If you do take the plunge, bring a lot of gum with you if you don’t want to offend anyone for the next six to eight hours.  The stank follows you no matter what.

Finally, there was the more normal part of my day when I had dinner with my friend Tom at Turkish Kebab House in Kowloon located at G/F, 104 Woosung Street, Jordan, Hong Kong. IMG_2367 We thought about eating at Chungking Mansions, but it seemed like we’d get an intestinal worm from the open air Pakistani stalls or get rolled by the large Nigerian gentlemen selling second hand cellphones.  Instead, we opted for the small Turkish eatery which became even cozier with our fellow patrons at the table next to us.  We were pretty sure they were Russian gangsters since they had necks as wide as their heads, were constantly making calls on multiple cell phones, had tattoos, and gold chains.  It was hilarious to watch them demand that the waitress immediately clean their table off even though they weren’t done eating.  Bratva members aside, I ended up getting the kofte lamb meatballs for 55 HK which came with a side of rice or French fries.

The menu.

The menu.

I ended up getting the rice since that’s the only proper way to eat Mediterranean/Middle Eastern food, and overall it was a fantastic dinner.IMG_0765  The rice was the only downside though since it could have been at least seasoned or perhaps a pilaf, but it was just steamed white rice.  The meatballs were juicy, spiced with some chili and rosemary along with some garlic which all nicely complimented the distinctive flavor that only lamb brings to a dish.  The salad on the side was a good compliment to the savory lamb since it contained fresh greens and some roasted peppers on the side.  Another great part of the restaurant were the sauces that came with the food.  Two were tzatziki inpired creations while my favorite was the orange chili sauce that heated up the night while we watched our Eastern European comrades make deals and the typhoon rains blew past the open door.  It was a great meal only equaled by the light show which brought us eventually to a German beer hall called Biergarten located at 5 Hanoi Street, Tsim Sha Tsui (Use MTR Exit N1 or N2.) to close out the night.  Here’s their menu: http://biergarten-hongkong.com/contactus/.   I got the Kostritzer black beer which was just right after the lamb since it was full bodied and filled to the rim with deep caramel tones.

Goethe's favorite beer and just as dark as his philosophy

Goethe’s favorite beer and just as dark as his philosophy

They also had some interesting tables which would be fun to dine in for a date night or something like that.

Barrels of fun downstairs.

Barrels of fun downstairs.

Next episode involves me going to Macau and trying some classic Portuguese cuisine.  Stay tuned!

Make Your Own Froyo? YOLO!

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So I’m sure that you have read all about my terrifyingly spicy experience at Onnuriye Donkatsu in my last post, so here is the follow up to what happened after my challenge.   My stomach still was feeling a bit funky even with consuming the antacid, white rice, and milk, so we decided to get frozen yogurt to sooth my scorched tummy.  We ended up going to Snow Spoon Cafe which is located in Hongdae, Seoul.  You come out of exit 9 at the Hongik University stop.  Then you turn left and turn right at the first street on your right.  There should be trees on both sides of the street.  You keep walking till you cross another street and keep heading straight until you see the Super 7 club on your left hand side.  The cafe occupies an entire corner of the building, so you can’t miss it.IMG_0702

When we walked in, it was semi-full of college students seemingly unable to choose what they wanted because not only did they have 10 different flavors, but they also had a fixins bar that seemed a bit healthier than the froyo places back home, i.e. more fruit and nuts instead of brownie bites and cookie dough chunks.  I guess Koreans haven’t gotten the hang of making healthy things unhealthy like Americans can do so easily.  If you don’t want frozen yogurt, they also have gelato, funny looking ice cream bars, and ice cream sandwiches. Flavor-wise, they had some stalwarts like plain, chocolate, and strawberry, but then they became a bit more mysterious.  I decided to get one flavor that was simply called “Blue”, and it had a picture of Santorini’s classic whitewashed houses interspersed on a mountainside while an endless blue horizon spread out behind it.

Greeks:  known for Democracy and ice cream?

Greeks: known for Democracy and ice cream?

What it would taste like?  I had no clue.  Maybe it would be indescribable, or maybe it would taste like gyros or souvlaki given the Greek picture.  Then I moved down the line to get the rice flavored frozen yogurt.  You read that right:  rice froyo.

Only in Asia

Only in Asia

Though this wouldn’t be the first time I ate ice cream made with rice.  The last flavor I got was blackberry.  I can only take so much razzmatazz in one cup.  I garnished my creation with some trail mix and gummi bears since I can’t say no to any form of gummi candy.  They charge you by weight, so I paid about 5,000 Won for a good amount of ice cream.

As for the actual flavors, they quickly put out the fire burning within my lower torso with panache.

Diabetes?  YOLO

Diabetes? YOLO

The blackberry flavor was delicious since it actually tasted like eating fresh blackberries minus the pesky seeds.  Then came the rice which was really odd because I couldn’t determine whether it had more of a vanilla flavor profile to it, or perhaps it was more like the plain frozen yogurt option.  Finally, there was Blue.  It definitely was the superstar of my cold creation much like the Eiffel 65 hit circa 1999, but it definitely wasn’t played out by any means from my first spoonful to my last.  Turns out it tasted like a tropical fruit punch of sorts. As a whole, my experience was a satisfying spectrum of flavors that ranged from more conventional to the more bizarre yet surprisingly delectable.

A French flag of funky flavors

A French flag of funky flavors

So if you’re looking to eat some delicious frozen goodies in South Korea, check out Snow Spoon.  It’s the perfect treat anytime whether that is after surviving one of Hongdae’s ear-splittingly loud clubs or just on a whim to satisfy your sweet tooth.

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Pork Cutlet

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Well, this is a historic moment in not only Mastication Monologues history, but also in my own personal history of pushing the gastronomic boundaries of my stomach and will to eat whatever comes my way.  I have had numerous experiences with eating legitimately spicy foods like chicken wings coated with sauce that was equal to law grade pepper spray (See Devil Wings), and not so “spicy” foods especially when it came to Korean food.  Now, I’ve tried many different types of “spicy” Korean food like buldak which are popcorn chicken pieces in red chili sauce, or tteokbokki which are gelatinous rice cakes in chili sauce.  However, neither  lived up to the spice levels I’m used to back home where I put Sriracha chili sauce on everything like ketchup, and you could get spicy Tex-Mex food anywhere you looked.  However, I finally met my match tonight.  Out of all of the spicy foods that I have eaten in my life, I never ate anything as spicy as the Drop Dead Donkatsu at Onnuriye (Around the world) Donkatsu located at 355-23 Shindaebang2-dong, Dongjak-gu, Seoul (온누리에 돈까스, 서울특별시동작구 신대방2동, 355-23).  Go to Sindaebangsamgeori station and leave exit 3.  Go straight, and turn left at the CU.  Then make a right at the next street and walk five minutes till you see a restaurant where the menu is literally on the ceiling inside and there are pictures of their famous breaded pork cutlets or donkatsus.

After my friend, Steph, and I wandered up and down looking for it for about ten minutes, we found it.  It’s a traditional Korean restaurant, so there are no chairs, only cushions and low tables.  There are pictures of only about 70 people on the wall who have finished the Drop Dead Donkatsu challenge.  I read about it initially on the internet on CNN Travel, so I knew I had to test my mettle when it came to a spicy food challenge.  When we sat down, they saw that I wanted to try the spicy donkatsu (15,000 W), and they made me first taste a sample.  I chopsticked a piece into my mouth, and it was quite piquant.  A quick note, they make you bring milk with you if you want to do the challenge.  No milk, no challenge.  What happened next made me quake fear a little inside out of fear.  Once they saw that the first piece didn’t phase me, they opened my milk carton, poured me a glass of milk, and put a small, mysterious plastic packet in front of me.  The waitress didn’t speak any English and was explaining everything in Korean, so I figured out she wanted me to drink the packet’s contents along with the milk.  When I ripped the top of the packet off and started drinking it, I saw it was white and tasted really funny.  Then I realized it was an antacid to help me eat the donkatsu.  S&#t just got real.  Eating contest contracts be damned!

Eventually it came out, and they explained the rules to me in Korean.  I saw most of the restaurant was watching me as one of the spectators sitting next to me on the floor decided to jump in and translate for me.  If I finished everything on my plate along with a bowl of rice in 20 minutes, I’d get it for free and my picture on the wall.  I looked down at my plate which was bigger than a hubcap loaded with three mammoth slabs of pork staring back at me like a den of rattlesnakes about to strike.

Age of innocence

The age of innocence

It's garnished with hot peppers too.  Not overkill at all.

It’s garnished with hot peppers too. Not overkill at all.

I quickly got to business cutting each cutlet into small pieces faster than Edward Scissorhands on Meth, and I quickly was faced with a dose of reality when I popped the first two pieces in my mouth.  The first one went down fine, but the second one was way too hot temperature-wise.  The heat combined with the spice began to overwhelm me, so I took a good swig of milk which combated it quickly.  Then I got two more pieces down, but I realized my body couldn’t take it.  I started to hiccough, and my esophagus began to spasm.  Thinking quickly, I began to eat some of the plain rice in the bowl next to me which had a negligible effect on the shock to the system.  I got one more piece down, and my mouth, especially my throat, felt like I just swallowed molten lava.  I slowed down immediately, and I realized that I had finally been bested.  Eating the pickled radish and salad on the side were last ditch efforts to continue, but I threw in the towel due to being in so much discomfort.  I don’t know what their secret marinade contains, but it must be some sort of supernatural pepper grown to simulate eating a piece of the sun.  Our waitress just smiled and took away the plate like she has done it many times before, but thankfully she came out with a free dontkatsu for my trouble which was the best I’ve had since coming to Korea.

The pity meal

The pity meal

It was something about the breading that made it really shine.  It was crunchy with an almost buttery finish to it that went hand in hand with the sweet curry it was swimming in.  It was a nice change of pace from the blast furnace I just swallowed, and the cheese donkatsu (5,000 W) Steph had was perfect with the right balance of smooth mozzarella and succulent pork.  She tried a single drop of the spicy sauce and was in pain for a couple minutes.  That’s how bad it was.

The happier, pain-free side of the table

The happier, pain-free side of the table

Culinary adventures can only go so far until you realize that its your health at steak (see what I did there), and you have to live with the consequences of your choices.  I didn’t feel like leaving the restaurant with a colostomy bag since these pieces of pork practiced their own form of a slash and burn campaign with my gastrointestinal tract.  Word to the wise.   I have to qualify my experience with the fact that I think my resistance to heat has dropped since moving to Korea since I went from eating spice everyday to a very bland diet.  However, if you feel like you can muster up enough courage, and your organs are coated with teflon, please try the Drop Dead Donkatsu challenge.  Either that or just get the regular donkatsu and pass up the pain.  Either way, it’s quite the worldly experience at Onnuriye Donkatsu.

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