Tag Archives: chocolate

It’s Nuts How Sweet Life Can Be

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This is the end…my only friend…the end.  The Doors’ words could not be more applicable to this post as it is the final chapter in the Florida food saga on Mastication Monologues.  I’ll be finishing with a sweet flourish in the form of Kilwin’s Chocolates and Ice Cream in Delray Beach, Florida.

My parents and I had taken many constitutionals up and down Delray Beach’s ever popular Atlantic Avenue, but Kilwin’s always seemed to be doing a booming business no matter what time of the day.  In fact, I could liken it almost to a Willy Wonka-esque level of excitement as lines perpetually streamed out the door.IMG_2987  I had never heard of this company before, but I vowed to see what all of the hubbub was.IMG_2986  I wasn’t that hungry after a very messy lunch, so it was a perfect time to check out the mysterious candy and ice cream shop.  As we moved through the clumps of old timers and kids wacked out on sugar, we finally stepped foot in this hallowed institution of addictive foodstuffs. IMG_2976 Everywhere we turned there were decadent delights in every shade of caramel yellow, coco-butter brown, and devilishly dark chocolate.  Kilwin’s provides the public with handmade caramel-coated apples and a few varieties of popcorn. IMG_2975 IMG_2973 I personally came for some of the brown stuff, ze chocolate.  While I was tempted to sample their ice cream, none of the flavors really grabbed me by the taste buds.IMG_2978  What was on display in the cases as we filed past the line for the ice cream left me slipping on my own slobber.  I’ll just let the pictures do the talking.  IMG_2985 IMG_2984 IMG_2983 IMG_2981 IMG_2980 IMG_2979 IMG_2977After looking about, the pecan turtle krispie was my date for the night ($5.50). IMG_2982 She was all gussied up with pecans, dark chocolate drizzles, and a caramel dress over a Rice Krispie body that just wouldn’t quit.  After I paid for it, we sat down on a bench outside to soak up the atmosphere our home away from home for a week had to offer.  As I took a longing glance towards my companion in my hand, I knew that we were meant to be when I subsequently took that first bite. IMG_2988IMG_2994 While you would think that a dessert item like this would be diabetes-inducingly sweet, it was quite balanced.IMG_2995  The crunchy pecans provided a buttery richness to the bittersweet dark chocolate and sticky caramel.  People were watching with a mix of curiosity and possible disgust as I shoveled this over-the-top snack into my food hole.  No regrets whatsoever.  It was a delicious end to a wonderful vacation.

So if you’re looking for a sweet local piece of Delray Beach, Florida that will stick in your mind and possibly your teeth forever, roll on down to Kilwin’s Chocolates and Ice Cream.

Kilwins Chocolates & Ice Cream on Urbanspoon

Burgers That D-Fi Hunger

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Boom!  This is my 160th post!  Thanks everyone for your support, and expect me to keep on supplying quality restaurant reviews far into the future.  So, let’s start with a welcome to Mastication Monologues for first time viewers and long-time fans.  Today’s post is part two of my Florida trip.  My previous post features an off-beat pizzeria that can satisfy even the most square food lover (as if there existed such a thing).  As for today, I’ll still be pushing the boundaries of my culinary fortitude as I recount my visit to BurgerFi, a place that reinvents both burgers and desserts.

During our stay in Delray Beach, Florida, we did a bit of walking up and down the street lining the beach, and obviously there were plenty of restaurants to take advantage of the hungry swimmers and tanners.  One place that caught my attention was BurgerFi due to its modern exterior and warmly lit interior.IMG_2841  IMG_2840 IMG_2839We waltzed past their outdoor patio to find an extensive menu that focused mainly on burgers but also offered hot dogs, sides, desserts, beer, wine, and a “secret” menu that boasted some interesting choices like a quinoa burger for all those vegetarians out there. IMG_2837 I, however, went for the Breakfast All Day burger ($5.25) with a Coke de Mexico to drink ($3).  They employed a buzzer system for orders where I just took my drink back to my table to wait for my burger to emerge from the back like a tasty bear emerging from its den after a long winter.  While it was being crafted, I sat at the table enjoying my Mexican Coke that I had never tried before. IMG_2824 What separates the Mexican Coke from good old ‘Murikan Coke is that the former still utilizes regular sugar as a sweetener.  In comparison, the American entry we now imbibe is laden with unhealthy high fructose corn syrup due to our country’s ability to grow a surplus of corn and the overall bottom line for the company in regard to production costs.  What does this mean for me?  Well, a definite taste contrast for one thing.  While the American Coke could be described as a sweet but slightly acidic tasting cola, the Mexican Coke tasted a bit cleaner with a richer flavor.  Eventually, my burger was ready, and it was slightly frightening. IMG_2825 According to the menu, they start with an Angus burger and then pile on American cheese, hickory bacon drizzled with maple syrup, a fried egg, hash browns, onions, and ketchup.  With the bacon strips sticking out like crimson tongues from the mini-monster sitting in front of me, I saddled up my taste buds and rode into the maw of the beast.

Open wide

Open wide

The crunchy pieces of bacon crumbled beneath my full frontal assault, but I nearly lost my senses as the sweet mixed with the smokey and salty pork sent my head spinning…either that or I had a mini-stroke.

Doing work

Doing work

Once I passed that trial, I moved into the actual burger and was greeted with a liberal douse of egg yolk and meat juice.  This was a testament to the quality of the meat that was grilled to perfection, and the egg that added an extra texture dimension to the meal.  As for the hash browns, they were lying in wait at the bottom mixed up with the onions and ketchup to provide body to the burger.  The only downside was the bun that quickly faded away with each bite, and the aforementioned hashbrown mixture contributed to the burger succumbing to Hot Mess Syndrome or H.M.S.

Lookin' pretty rough

Lookin’ pretty rough

If H.M.S. reaches critical mass, i.e. it’s a matter seconds before your burger falls apart in your hand, then you either have to make the decision to stuff it into your mouth or let it tumble to the table.  Before long, I had reached this point, and I opted for the former option instead of letting it fall into the basket.  This lack of burger integrity left me disappointed and covered in the remnants of my meal like a lion who just polished off a zebra.  Once I wiped the scraps away from my hands and mouth, I decided to go for dessert because I was in vacation mode.  I went over the ice cream options, and I plumped for the O.M.C. or Oh My Chocolate concrete ($4).  This treat was absolutely ridiculous in construction and would probably be a tasty way to illustrate the layers of the earth.IMG_2838  They alternated between layers of chocolate custard and then accompanying layers of peanut butter, chocolate chips, sprinkles, and brownie chunks.  It was as decadent as it sounds, but I didn’t feel sick by the end of it.  It was like eating a giant, liquified Reese’s peanut butter cup with occasional crunchy chocolate chips or chewy brownie bites.  Needless to say, I was greatly satisfied by the meal as a whole as I cleaned up the slobber on the table when I finished.

So if you want to try a burger place that provides high quality and creative meals at a reasonable price, then BurgerFi is the eatery for you!
BurgerFi on Urbanspoon

How Voo You Doo? (Portland, Part 4)

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Well, if you’ve been following the various posts of my Portland adventures, you’ve seen that I’ve been trying to sample a wide variety of foods.  Everything from breakfast fare to haunted pizzerias have gone into Mastication Monologues, and today I’ll be talking about the food experience one must try when in Portland:  Voodoo Doughnut.

Ever since I’ve been watching the Travel Channel regularly, which has been a very recent practice, Voodoo Doughnut has always managed to pop up on some sort of wacky food program or just general tourism show.  Why would that be?  Well, Voodoo Doughnut isn’t your typical mom and pop bakery.  This franchise delves into the darkest realms of the occult religion and comes up with some culinary creations that only a the craziest houngan (voodoo priest) could imagine.  Not only that, but this establishment allows people to be wed through their shop.  Tie the knot with a couple knotted cinnamon twists?  Only at Voodoo Doughtnut!  They offer basic, non-legal weddings for $25 all the way to the “Whole Shebang” package for $6,600 that includes airfare, hotel, legal ceremony, and a tour of Portland.  I could go on and on about what makes this place so unique, but I was surprised to hear Portland natives’ reactions to my delight in going to Voodoo Doughnuts.  Most were begrudgingly accepting of this bakery like it’s the popular kid who’s really loud and obnoxious yet everyone wants to be his/her friend.  While others seemed to be happy that I tasted probably the most popular part of the Portland culinary scene.  This general joy was reflected in the omnipresent line I saw outside their original location at 22 SW 3rd Ave.IMG_3857  They’re open 24/7 aside from major holidays, but I heard from a friend of a friend who is a native of Portland that back in the day they used to hold very odd hours like 11 pm to 4 am, close for two hours, and then open from 7 am to 9:23 am or something like that.  Seems like they know how to pounce on financial opportunities while still maintaining their extremely strange vibe.  Doughnuts’ prices range from 95 cents to $3, and they only take cash! 

My Voodoo Doughnut experience started after another bizarre experience that involved me going to a 21+ mini-golf course.  I could only liken it to a mix between a hands-on arts gallery and a fun house which included CO2 powered 50 caliber golf ball guns, a low rider, and a scratch and sniff wheel to name a few holes.  Once I made my way through the course, I knew I had to take the plunge and get my Voodoo on.  It was raining, so I was in full Deatheater mode with my black jacket’s hood up as I walked up to the line that was snaking past the barriers.IMG_3860IMG_3861  Thankfully, it didn’t scare my new friends I made in line who took the form of a large bachelorette party.  It made the wait go by faster as we talked about travel, and eventually I stepped foot in this hallowed ground of creative snack cakes.IMG_2640  Their menu was as eclectic as their decor as I didn’t have any clue what to get.  I saw most people were ordering a dozen doughnuts each, but I didn’t really want to end up as round as a doughnut by the time the night was over.  After attempting to ask what the girls in the bachelorette party would recommend I should get, they all seemed deadset on the bacon maple bars…boring.  I know you can get those in other doughnut shops in the USA.  So, I first went with Voodoo Doughnut’s signature voodoo doll doughnut since I felt obligated to try it.  Then, for my second choice, it was extremely tough to choose.  The Mexican hot chocolate really was calling to me along with the Butterfinger chocolate and Marshall Mathers doughnuts.  However, one won out as I made my choice:  the O.D.B. (Old Dirty Bastard) doughnut.  I had no clue what was on it, but I picked it since it pays homage to ODB, the Staten Island rap group Wu Tang Clan’s wackiest, most drugged out, and quite possibly mentally handicapped member.  I present Exhibit A and Exhibit B.  Requiem in terra pax, dawg.  If this doughnut was as crazy as him, I expected a real treat, and a treat I did receive.  I ate one for breakfast the following Friday and Saturday, and the Voodoo Doll doughnut went first.  First, it wasn’t as neat as I was expecting the doll to be since it didn’t seem to have a face or any sort of discerning facial features.

Looks like I'm cursing a cyclops.

Looks like I’m cursing a cyclops.

There still was the pretzel driven into the torso of the doll which might have been an omen of my fiery food downfall later in my trip…tastewise, it was great.  The yellow dough was soft and spongy with a mainly neutral taste with hints of its buttery upbringing.IMG_2650  This allowed for the thick, rich milk chocolate frosting on top and gory, sweet raspberry jelly inside to sanctify this food sacrifice to Baron Samedi, lord of the Voodoo underworld a.k.a. my stomach.  As for the Old Dirty Bastard doughnut, it seriously was as over the top like one of ODB’s freestyles.

IMG_2654

I’m all about that C.R.E.A.M.

It started with a traditional yeast-raised ring doughnut with the same dough as the Voodoo doll along with a similar chocolate frosting on top.  Then it got extra dirty with the giant, crunchy chunks of Oreos heaped on top that were then tricked out with a generous drizzling of peanut butter. IMG_2653 It was like eating a giant Reeses peanut butter cup cake with Oreos on the inside.  Needless to say, it gave me the gangsta power to walk up a mountain to see the Pittock Mansion (a great non-food related sightseeing area in Portland).

So if you want to try probably the most touristy spot in Portland with some tasty desserts (although some Portlandians might say otherwise), get yourself down to Voodoo Doughnuts or else you will be cursing the day you decided not to go.
Voodoo Doughnut on Urbanspoon

May the Odds (and Ends) Be Ever In Your Favor

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What is going on everybody?  Welcome to a slightly different Mastication Monologues where I will be bringing you a random smattering of unique foods that I have sampled in the past few weeks that you can’t get anywhere else and may have never seen before.  I’ll begin with cactus chocolate from Jeju.

The last weeks of the Korean school year shouldn’t even exist since the kids essentially tune out from anything and everything educational since there are no tests to study for.  This is something that all of those world education studies praising the Korean school system don’t mention.  However, my students also became really respectful towards me suddenly since they found out I was leaving.  Too bad they didn’t do it earlier in the year when we actually had to do work.  With this newfound respect came lots of candy as well which I wasn’t complaining about.  One of the trinkets that caught my eye was the brightly wrapped Jeju cactus chocolate.  IMG_1973

Jeju is an island off the southern coast of Korea, and is considered to be the Hawaii of Korea due to its beautiful sandy beaches, mountain climbing, and outdoor sex museum (wait, that’s not right…but it’s true for Jeju!).  Culinarily, they are known for their black pig barbecue and even horse meat, but throughout the year my kids would always give me Hallabong chocolate which was often in the shape of these mini-Easter Island-esque stone statues that dot the landscape around the island.  The Hallabong chocolate would often be infused with fruit flavors especially Jeju orange and sometimes raspberry.  However, I had never seen this crunch chocolate until last week, and what made it especially unique was the cactus element.  I knew that Jeju’s climate was warmer than Seoul’s, but are there really are cactii on this volcanic island?  When I unwrapped it, I was confronted with what seemed to be a naked Crunch bar with a moderate coating of pink chocolate. IMG_1974 When I bit into it, my assumption was confirmed as the small, crunchy orbs gave way to creamy raspberry chocolate.  Where the cactus element came into play was a mystery to me.  It was a sweet little treat though that I enjoyed a bit more than the next “sweet” thing I tried:  walnut cakes.

On the same day of my cactus chocolate adventure, I tried some interesting snacks that aren’t what they seem.  Turns out they’re cakes made to look like walnuts, and they do do quite an impressive walnut impression.IMG_2021  The exterior mimicked the deeply grooved facade of its namesake, but that’s where the similarities fade.  Actually, fade doesn’t do justice to describe the shock I received after biting into it.  Naturally, I was greeted with a big mouthful of my old nemesis:  red bean paste.

It shall forever haunt me.

It shall forever haunt me.

Koreans love the stuff, and I can’t stand it for the most part.  I’ve found that anything that you would assume would have chocolate in it in the West, i.e. pastries, rolls, buns, fudgsicles, instead has red bean paste in it in Korea.  It’s considered a “sweet” delicacy to Korean palates, but I come from the land of rampant diabetes, so the sweet factor is lost on me.  The dough itself is fine, and the crunch walnut in the center made up for the red bean paste that left me shaking my head once again.  I thought I learned my lesson after the red bean popsicle incident but apparently not.  I’ll close this semi-gross scene with a fun fact.  These walnut cakes were made by a bakery called Cocohodo which is based in Korea but also has branches throughout California in the United States.

I also finally managed to try 족발 or jokbal or pig’s feet.  I got a half spicy-half mild plate of pig feet which wasn’t what I expected since they carved all of the meat off the actual hooves even though some of the bones were still there.

Hog heaven

Hog heaven

The mild meat tasted like a cross between a glazed ham with the pork element, but the skin was carmelized which had a sweetness to it like Peking duck.  As for the spicy half, I was in heaven.IMG_2035  Some pieces were crispy like bacon while others had a more tender texture like pork chops, and the spiciness was around a jalapeno level with a sweet aftertaste which was probably due to the soy marinade.  I would have eaten more if it wasn’t for our teachers’ farewell dinner beforehand where my table consumed this bad boy below.  What a way to say “thank you” and “farewell”!1904234_3177324309091_1094229150_n

Also, I hadn’t mentioned this before, but check out my friend’s podcast I did a couple weeks ago.  Not only do I talk about my trip to North Korea, but also I elaborate on some of my best food adventures which I have detailed in Mastication Monologues!

Tokyo (Day 5)- A Sobering Soba Sayonara/Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto

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Well, this is the final day of my Tokyo adventure in this food chronicle, but I finish it with the most unique dining experience I’ve ever been a part of.  However, I should start at the beginning  in the morning with my humble breakfast at the convienence store.

I seemed to have made friends at the local Mini Stop since they guided me to my favorite snack cake section they were actively stocking when I walked in the door.  So I wanted to get something a bit different to eat, so I plumped for a roll cake with a caveman on it along with an innocent looking bun.  However, turns out the more innocuous looking sweet bun ended up being filled with savory, cold curry.  Another wonderful adventure down Japanese Illiteracy Avenue!  It wasn’t terrible though as I finished it.  Thankfully, the caveman treat was a strawberry cream cake that was light, fluffy, and filling but probably terrible for my sugar levels.IMG_1858  It tasted great though.  To drink, I got a bottle of a drink called Lifeguard that looked like it was conceived by beverage promoters on a bad acid trip.  Not only did the psychedelic pattern and maniacal looking bunny in a car catch my eye, but it also boasted having plenty of “Royal Jelly”.

I don't think I'm ready for this jelly.

I don’t think I’m ready for this jelly.

  I remembered it being related to a Futurama episode where Fry, Leela, and Bender go to a killer space-bee hive to get honey, and Leela takes a baby queen bee and royal jelly back home to make more honey.  In reality, the royal jelly actually comes from the secretions of worker bees’ heads to nourish larvae and adult queens.  Nothing like some bee head jelly to get me buzzing in the morning.  It tasted great since it was like a green apple soda with small, rubbery chunks in it that left me energized to take on the rest of the day.  I hopped on the subway to the periphery of Tokyo to see many different sights which in turn left me with a Godzilla-sized hunger to take care of.  I made my way to Shinjuku because that is where I was going to have dinner at the famous Robot Restaurant that I’ll detail later in the post.  However, it was still around lunchtime, so I waltzed into a small, local eatery on a happening street in the center of Shinjuku. I noticed they had lots of different types of the traditional Tokyo soba noodles.IMG_1885  I saw they had a similar coin operated device like in Matsuya, and I matched up the symbols from the plastic display outside to the button on the dispenser. IMG_1884 After doing some research it seems I chose Tanuki soba or “Raccoon Dog Soba” when it came out to me.  I don’t know why it’s called after a mythical creature that is known for having mystical powers including using leaves to shape shift, fly, and have enormous testicles that bring good luck.  Ghostly sexual organs aside, the soba itself was wonderful and cheap.IMG_1883  The noodles were plentiful and a bit more al dente compared to the ramen noodles from dinner the previous night in Harajuku.  The fried tofu pieces were savory that complimented the salty broth perfectly.  Overall, it was a small piece of Tokyo history that was delicious, nutritious, and affordable.  After that meal, I wasted a bunch of time before going to the oddly named Robot Restaurant.  So I got a crepe that Wikitravel recommended to get either in Harajuku or Shinjuku, so I decided to see how they measured up to the French ones.IMG_1887  It was another encounter with my friend the coin-operated ordering machine, so I matched up the symbols to the Nutella and whipped cream crepe (second row from the top on the left).IMG_1886  I didn’t understand why they couldn’t just take my order or just write it on a piece of paper.  Work flow aside, the crepe was scrumptious and elegant. IMG_1888 The gossamer thin sheet of dough encased  a winter wonderland of snowy white whipped cream strewn about a generous slathering of chocotastic Nutella.  It was the perfect compliment to watching the anti-Shinzo Abe/Olympics march going down the street.  Eventually, I made my way to the Robot Restaurant which is located in Harajuku in the infamous Kabuchiko red light district.  So while I was walking there, I was accosted by numerous guys in suits asking if I wanted some action at a very steep price.  No, man!  I came here to see some crazy robot action with very attractive women dancing.  I highly recommend making reservations in advance, and if you sign up with a friend you get 50 percent off your 5000 Yen ticket.  I got there, and they had a complete robot band in the lobby rocking out with some tunes.IMG_3483  I was led up to the waiting lounge which was decked out in psychedelic paint everywhere, and each table had a robot dinosaur that would react to your actions.  If you made it angry, it would bite your finger, or it would sleep if you petted it on its head.IMG_1900IMG_1898  Eventually, they brought us down to the main theatre, and it seemed like the entire place was an epileptic seizure waiting to happen with all of the flashing lights, garish colors, and lasers everywhere.  We sat in rows with an aisle down the middle where all the action happened.  The bento box they provided was nothing worth mentioning.  It was mainly just baked chicken with some rice rolls and a small dessert.  However, the show was unlike anything I’ve ever seen.IMG_3489IMG_3543IMG_3545  So I’ll just let the main video from their website paint you a picture along with these videos I took (I apologize for the poor sound quality):  Oppa Gangnam Robot, Drummers, or The Natives Are Restless.   I could only describe it as a mix of traditional Japanese culture, a variety show, a burlesque show, Pokemon, Kung Fu Panda, LSD, and Gundams just to name a few.  It was a great way to end a trip that was filled with good people, great food, and unforgettable times.  I recommend you go to the Robot Restaurant over all other restaurants in Tokyo just to see the spectacle I will never forget.

My last culinary triste with Tokyo before going to the airport took the form of a chocolate version of the caveman cake above, but instead of bee head jelly, I got some fruit and salt juice. IMG_1904IMG_1903 It was a combination that somehow worked where the salt balanced out the sweetness of the pear juice.  However, I didn’t leave Tokyo with a figurative salty taste in my mouth as I truly fell in love with this city, and I hope to come back one day.

I Must’ve Pied and Went to Rich Man Heaven

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Today’s post is going to be short and sweet like the dessert I ate after my Paraguayan meal.  Once I took down my fair share of empanadas, I wanted something sweet to balance out the savory fillings, so I found myself at Tartine.  Tartine is located in Itaewon at 119-15 Itaewon, Yongsan -Gu, Seoul. Take the metro to Itaewon station, and then come out of exit 1 and walk straight. It is in the second alley you pass on your right hand side.  Turn right and you’ll see the red sign on the right and left sides of the buildings.  Here’s their website.  IMG_1011

When I got there, I felt like crying with how much stuff I wanted to try yet every item was insanely expensive.IMG_1009  For the tiny pies, it ranged from 6,000 W-8,500 W.  A small chocolate cake cost 35,000 W!  I don’t know if they mixed in 24 Karat gold in the batter or used ground unicorn horn for the frosting, but that’s ridiculous.  Either way, I was just going to settle for a pie since I wanted to try it once.  They have a take out bakery on one side of the walk, and an actual cafe on the other side where you can sit outside when the weather’s nice like it was today.IMG_1008  I perused the case looking at various fruit, meringue, and chocolate inspired creations, but one caught my eye that really seemed unique.  It was called “Paradise Pie” (8,800 W).  When I got the pie, I still didn’t see why it was so expensive given the size, but the taste was somewhat worth it.IMG_1012  The crust was a typical shortening based crust that was average. but the insides were something delightful.  IMG_1013Basically, it was the equivalent of a chocolate pie and a pecan pie creating a tropical baby made of coconut with all of it covered in the signature pecan pie sugar sauce.  The whole pecans were crunchy and sweet while the small chocolate chunks were occasional nuggets of treasure I found while digging through the thick layers of brown coconut mixed with chocolate mousse.  It was very decadent, but I wouldn’t make this a regular habit.

If you want to try some competently made but overpriced desserts, Tartine is the place for you.

Taiwan (Part 2)- Delicious as the Dark Side of the Moon

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Hello everyone and welcome to another edition of Mastication Monologues!  If this is your first time coming on the site, I’ve been writing about my adventures to Hong Kong and Taiwan, so check out the previous posts if you want to get caught up with all of my latest dietary adventures.  Today’s post will be focusing on my second day in Taiwan which was very hot, humid, and happy since I tried a crazy amount of foods that I’ve never tried before.  First, there was the National Palace Museum restaurant.

If there is one museum you need to check out in Taipei, it’s the National Palace Museum.  The only downside is that it is jam-packed with hordes of Chinese tour groups.  Nevertheless, it’s filled with priceless Chinese antiquities that are simply breathtaking especially some of the precious jade statues.  Walking around the giant complex caused me to work up an appetite, so I tried their restaurant which is by the second exhibition hall.  I ended up getting the beef noodle soup with a side of “rice with lard”. IMG_0903 The beef noodle soup was similar to the bowl I had back in Hong Kong at Din Tai Fung, i.e. a beefy ambrosia of sorts.  As for the rice, it was great ,but I suspect there was a problem with the translation on the menu because I think what they meant was that it was fried rice with a slice of sweet potato on the top along with a soupçon of soy sauce.  I was expecting rice mixed with chunky white shortening or something along those lines.  Then there was dessert which was a tofu soup with peanuts. IMG_0905 I’m normally not a huge tofu eater, but I commend them for making the bland bean paste edible.  Then again it was quite easy since it was soaking in cold sugary soup along with semi-soft peanuts.  Not my all time favorite dessert, but at least I tried something new.  As a whole, this restaurant was alright for Taiwanese food, but nothing compared to my dinner with the Wu/Ni family.

While I was eating lunch, Ms. Wu called me up to arrange dinner plans with the family for the Moon Cake festival.  After a few brief conversations, I found myself later that afternoon at the San Want Hotel.  I met my friend David’s cousins and grandparents.  We exchanged a few pleasantries before getting down to business with the food.  My plate was quickly filled as everyone was chucking food at me to try, and I didn’t know where to start since it was all new to me.  I’ll start with the flaky pork buns and pickled chicken feet. IMG_0909 The former consisted of a ball of lightly seasoned pork nestled within a multi-layered, flaky dumpling shell.  As for the latter, they were a bit rubbery and thankfully lacking the bones of their dim sum counterparts I had back in Chicago.  They just really tasted briny with a hint of chicken.  Moving on from there, we had the duck blood which I was really jonesing to try since I heard it was a Taiwanese delicacy. IMG_0910 When I first saw the duck blood cakes, I thought they were large pieces of liver due to the texture and color, but when I popped the piece in my mouth, it didn’t have the same granular texture of liver.  Instead I was greeted with a rich, mildly iron-tinged caress from the sanguineous specialty.  I liked it.  Next came the barbecue pork buns which were like heaven.IMG_0911  Imagine a pulled pork sandwich minus the risk of losing a single shred of piggy.  It was a sweet and savory nugget of glory.  The following two dishes continued the line of fantastic foods. IMG_0912 First, there was the ginger beef which kind of tasted like something you could find at a Chinese American restaurant back home in terms of the ingredients found in the bowl like marinated pieces of beef in a garlic ginger sauce along with sprigs of green onions. IMG_0913 The other bowl contained a similarly stewed tofu dish that once again proved my hate for the squishy soy product wrong with its beefy gravy and peppers.  IMG_0915After these somewhat heavier foods, I took a break with a lighter type of dumpling that I could only liken to a Chinese version of a croquette, but the dough was fried minus bread crumbs.  On the inside there was minced beef along with vegetables. IMG_0916 The next food won points in my book not just for the rich seaweed taste, but also for presentation points.  This Taoist inspired soup was an egg based broth with an infusion of seaweed.IMG_0917    The last dinner course was the stinky fish rice which pretty much was what it sounds like, but it wasn’t as odoriferous as I was anticipating.  Either way, it was a well made fried rice with fresh and juicy pieces of fish.

Dessert was just as varied as dinner where there were many things that were new to me. IMG_0919 First, there was a crunchy noodle pancake which you first had to put sugar on it and then pour some vinegar over the sugar.  It was a strange yet satisfying mixture of crunchy fried noodles along with a sweet and sour flavor profile that complimented the bold texture. IMG_0920 I then had a sweet egg dumpling that had a similar soft exterior like the bbq pork buns, and the inside was slightly runny but very sweet.  Then there were three bowls of goo that all were delicious.  I felt like Goldilocks in the three bears’ house minus the flaxen locks and risk of being eaten by wild animals.IMG_0924  First, there was the taro root pudding which tasted like a taro root which can only be likened to a less intense sweet potato.  IMG_0925The second bowl was filled with tofu pudding which didn’t leave any sort of impression on me, but the last bowl definitely did.IMG_0922  It was filled with turtle jelly.  It’s made from turtle shells and a bunch of Chinese herbs, and it’s used in traditional Chinese medicine to treat a variety of ailments like acne and muscle aches.  This was the most unique of the trio since it was like eating jello infused with a slightly salty and very herbal Jaegermeister.  The honey that came on the side cut through some of the intense medicinal ingredients though.  Finally, we ended the meal with the traditional foods of the Moon Cake festival:  the moon cakes and pomelo. IMG_0921 The moon cakes were delicious as the buttery, crumbly dough gave way to a chocolate interior for one, chestnut and orange for another, and red beans for a more traditional one.  As for the pomelo, I could only liken it to a love child between a lime and a grapefruit in appearance.  Po-po (grandma) told me I should wear the rind on my head as part of the moon cake tradition with their family, but I broke it to her that my head was too fat to accomplish such a feat. IMG_0923 Instead, I enjoyed the slices of this fruit which looked like slices of white grapefruit with a similar sweet and acidic taste profile, but it had smaller seeds than a regular grapefruit.  It was a bittersweet end to a wonderful meal with a very generous and caring family that I was grateful to be with on such a special occasion.  I really appreciated it.

Next post I will be eating random objects out of a bubbling cauldron of soup.

Taiwan (Part 1)- Sh*ttiest Dinner Ever (in a good way)

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Hello everyone and welcome to another entry on Mastication Monologues!  I’m nearing the end of my series of vacation posts, but I’ve saved some of the best restaurants/foods for last.  I’ve already sampled snake soup, durian, and some great dim sum in Hong Kong, but now I’m moving onto the isla formosa a.k.a. Taiwan.  I had a great time in Hong Kong, so I was doubtful that Taiwan could top my experiences I already took part in.  Food-wise, it just got better and stranger.  Stranger not in the Camus sense, but rather my first meal in Taipei was at a restaurant where I ate out of a toilet and drank out of a urinal.  I’m talking about Modern Toilet located at 2樓, No. 7, Lane 50, Xiníng South Rd, Wanhua District, by the Ximen metro stop.  Here is their website.  I had seen it previously on a Travel Channel show with its feces-inspired dishes, so it was too odd not to pass up.

I knew I couldn’t miss the actual restaurant because the outside of the restaurant sported a giant porcelain throne as the neon beckoned me inside to finally try their bizarre dishes.IMG_0853  Everywhere you walk in the restaurant, you can’t escape the extra Japanese kawaii (cute) piles of anime excrement.

Goldmember's poo's on display

Goldmember’s poo’s on display

I guess that’s the end result of all of that Pokefood that Brock was always feeding to Pikachu and his Geodude.  Sorry, nerdlinger moment there.  Going back to the food, I wasn’t really shocked with the decor until I walked into the main dining room.

It looks so normal

It looks so normal

Every square inch of the place had something to do with the one room of the house where it’s pretty taboo to do any form of eating.

Then you see poo lights and sit on an arty throne

Then you see poo lights and sit on an arty throne

The tables consisted of sinks with glass over them while I sat on a stylized, non-functional toilet.  Oh yeah, and the lights were also piles of poo.  Thankfully they didn’t include the authentic smell with all of these dookie inspired designs.  Their menu has a mix of curries, au gratin dishes, noodles, and desserts that all revolve around bathroom functions.  I went with a simple chicken curry for 220 TWD which came with a drink on the side along with an ice cream dessert.  To drink, I got a urinal of jasmine green tea for 40 TWD.  The drink came out first, and it was in an actual hospital urinal complete with the clear plastic cap.  As if it wasn’t kitchy enough, the jasmine tea looked like real urine, but thankfully did not smell/taste like it (no, I’ve never tried it like Patches O’Houlihan).  While sipping it out of my urinal using my crazy straw, its herbal and honey tinged notes really quenched my thirst for a cold drink since it felt like a swamp outside the restaurant.  Fun fact, if you get the urinal sized drink, you can take the urinal home for free as a souvenir!  Eventually, my food came out, and it lived up to the kookiness of the restaurant.

So gimmicky, yet so tasty

So gimmicky, yet so tasty

Not only was my curry hanging out in a mini-latrine, but my pickled cabbage was kept fresh under a plastic cover shaped like, yep you guessed, it, poo.  The actual curry was well made but nothing out of the ordinary.  It went well with the rice on the side.  The warm radish soup was pretty good, and I didn’t expect it to come with my meal.  It was fairly bland, but kind of had a chicken broth undertone to each spoonful.  Once I ate all of that food, there was one last act in this three ring circus:  the ice cream dessert.  Most places serve ice-cream in a classic cone or cup, but in Modern Toilet, they serve you your chocolate and vanilla swirl ice cream in an Eastern-style squatter toilet.

A thing of beauty

A thing of beauty

The ice cream melted very quickly, but it was delectable especially the chocolate part since it had an unexpected coffee aftertaste.  I left Modern Toilet a very satisfied diner, so if you want to try some average food in an extraordinary environment, pop a squat at Modern Toilet in Taipei.

Next post, I celebrate the Moon Cake festival with an opulent and very diverse banquet.

Tomatill-Oh So Good

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Hola a todos!  So I’m still living the foodie thug life while on summer vacation here in South Korea, and it is still hotter than a mother-father gentleman.  However, that doesn’t mean that this heat is stopping me from enjoying my free time before second semester starts at the end of the month.  Today I visited a new Mexican restaurant called Tomatillo which is located in Itaewon.  To get there, come out of exit 1, and then make the left you see that doesn’t go into a parking lot.  Then turn right, and it will be there on your left hand side.  Here is their website.IMG_0636IMG_0637

Originally, I was planning on trying some Paraguayan food at Comedor in Itaewon, but since it is Korean Independence Day, not only are the Koreans celebrating their liberation from the Japanese but also their ability to close down their restaurants whenever they want.  Long story short, not many restaurants were open, so we ended up at Tomatillo.  That is not to say that it was a terrible experience.  Quite the opposite.  After scanning the menu, I saw that they served Tex-Mex standards like nachos, tortilla chips with salsa, tacos, burritos, and chimichangas.  I hate to break it to them, but they were calling a taco salad a “tostada”.  Tostadas being one of my favorite Mexican dishes, I was slightly perturbed by this.  At the same time, I realized we were in Korea where they refer to guacamole as “avocado sauce”, so I can’t really be annoyed with them.  I got a barbacoa (braised beef) burrito (9,000 W), a glass of horchata (5,000 W), and a side of chocolate churros  for dessert (4,500 W).IMG_0638

The wait wasn’t too long for my food to come up, and I was quite excited to see this banquet set out in front of me.  I started on the burrito, and it was pretty damn good for Mexican food in Korea.  I mean, I still think even Chipotle would beat it in terms of overall flavor diversity though.  They also asked me if I wanted it spicy, and I replied in the affirmative.  Yet when I bit into this substantially sized burrito, I didn’t taste one hint of spice.IMG_0641  I don’t know if they just don’t have the ingredients to make it really spicy, or are just giving into their natural assumptions that Western people can’t handle spice.  Lack of supposed spiciness aside, the ingredients in the burrito were well made.  The beef was definitely well seasoned and was not too juicy/too dry.  The tortilla was soft and pliable yet held together at the height of my feeding frenzy.  I really enjoyed the Mexican rice along with the beans that were nestled in every gentle fold of the white tapestry that brought this little bundle of food together.  I think if they actually used some sort of chili sauce and more chipotle, their burritos could really go to the next level in terms of tasting like Mexican food you can get in Chicago or L.A.  Moving on to my horchata, it was really refreshing since it was ice cold and creamy but slightly different to the horchata you can get at any taqueria in Chicago.  The Korean version still had the cinnamon-notes that reminded me of home, yet it seemed too thick to be the real deal.  Oh well, just another variant just like how the original horchata in Spain tastes different from the Mexican version.  Finally, there were the churros…best part of the meal. IMG_0640 Not only did I get a good amount for my money, but they were liberally doused in cinnamon and sugar.  The chocolate was lightly drizzled on them which was different than the Spanish churros I’d get down the block from my apartment in Barcelona, but these Korean ones were perfectly fried.  They were slightly crunchy, but not overly so, and had a soft, almost creamy dough center that was still warm.  Too good.  Overally, I liked it better than Taco Cielo since it seemed not as over the top and trying hard to adopt to develop syncretic cuisine to please the locals.  So if you don’t want to battle it out with the crowds at Vato’s Tacos down the street, check out Tomatillo!

Before I finish, I just want a quick Fell and Cole blurb about two new ice cream flavors I tried:  red wine/Sichuan chili pepper and Love Potion No. 6.  For other flavors, see Nosh Pit and Where Everyone Should Bee.

So hot yet so cold

So hot yet so cold

First off, the red wine/Sichuan chili pepper ice cream was very novel yet disappointing in certain aspects.  While it had a strange tartness that persisted after each spoonful, I was crestfallen that it didn’t fulfill its potential to be a really spicy ice cream.  The chili element seemed to have been neutralized and instead used for textural support as I could feel the crunchy chili flakes running over my tongue as I slowly savored the cold wave passing over my palate.  Perhaps the cold neutralized the signature Chinese heat.  As for the second flavor, Love Potion No. 6, it was made of black rice, black beans, black sesame, and kelp.IMG_0643  Why all the black stuff you ask?  Well, this ice cream is supposedly referring to a Korean belief that ingesting these foods can roll back the years.  Hence, your grey hairs will turn black again.  I’d personally prefer more hair on my head, but I was genuinely surprised by this flavor.  I was expecting it to taste like garbage, but instead, it had a sugary taste peppered with earthy notes.  I could only liken it to the conservative flavor of a sugar cone, but every so often I could detect the light caress of the salty kelp.  If I had to choose between the two flavors, it would be hard, but I’d go with the Love Potion because its flavor wasn’t as intense as the bold combo of alcohol and crunchy pepper flakes.

Where Everyone Should Bee

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Hey everyone!  So today I am going to be bringing you quite the intriguing post where not only did I have a sumptuous brunch, but I also hit up what might be my new favorite summer hangout.  Definitely worthy of my 90th post! First, there is the Honey Bowl.  You can get to it by going to Hapjeong station and leaving exit 4.  Head straight and take the first left by the bike shop.  The street will split, so take the left path.  Walk for about 10 minutes, and you will see it on your right hand side.  You will pass a CU and a 7-11 on your way there in that order.  Here is their Facebook site: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Honey-Bowl/263651367034499.IMG_0631

So when I got there to meet up with two friends, we thankfully didn’t have to wait too long in the blazing sun, but once we got inside, we saw that the small eatery was tastefully decorated like the inside of a beehive minus the gross beeswax and scary killer bees.IMG_0628  Their menu is quite comprehensive for a country that doesn’t really believe in the idea of breakfast, and it has all of your Western favorites like eggs and bacon, hash browns, sausage, and french toast.  However, I was really craving some pancakes, so I went with the chocolate fudge pancakes (7,000 W).  One of my main complaints with the restaurant was their water service.  They gave us very small cups, and it was very hot out.  Ergo, we were going to need a lot of water to stay hydrated.  In other places operated by Koreans, like in my other post about Taco Cielo, they gave the table a large pitcher of water to save themselves the trip of constantly giving out refills.  Not in the Honey Bowl.  This key error negatively impacted the flow of the restaurant since the wait staff spent so much time filling water which then made orders come in slower for the cooks which then made the wait time longer for your food.  However, I was glad I waited because these pancakes were light, fluffy flapjacks sent down from Paul Bunyan Jesus. IMG_0629 He crafted them in his divine skillet in the sky, and then baptized them in the name of deliciousness by submerging them in the holy chocolate sauce that was just the right viscosity, i.e. not too runny and not too thick like cake frosting.   The whip cream with chocolate chips on top were just gilding the rose, but at that point, I didn’t care.  They sadly weren’t gigantic pancakes for someone like me with a Paul Bunyan appetite, so I also tried the Honey Bowl’s single plate of cheese potato (6,500 W). IMG_0630 It was a very simple dish of potato wedges smothered in cheddar and mozzarella cheese along with pieces of American bacon.  Surprisingly, it was not greasy at all, and the potatoes were neither soggy nor drowned out by the suffocating richness of the salty bacon and cheese.  It also came with a side of sweet and sour sauce that had a chili pepper base that gave this mound of carbs and fat a bit of a spicy kick.  After those two small items, it was time to hit up Fell and Cole again for some funkier ice cream flavors.

Today they had the type of ice cream that I was expecting from the Cali transplant.  I got a double with a scoop of perilla or sesame leaf ( 깻잎) leaf ice cream and then a scoop of All Black which was a mix of Guinness and chocolate.

Why is mediocrity always on top of greatness?

Why is mediocrity always on top of greatness?

The perilla leaf came first, and I can definitely say I prefer them deep fried instead of in ice cream form.  If they’re eaten deep fried or in ssam bap form (raw), they have a strong, almost peppery flavor, but this dairy version made it taste like I was eating frozen sharp cheddar.  I do love my cheese, but it is a bit unexpected and almost unwanted when you’re eating it as ice cream.  Once I soldiered my way through that pastel green semi-abomination, I once again stumbled on buried treasure.  Just like in my last post, Nosh Pit, the alcohol infused ice cream was better not just because it had a bit of alcohol in it.  I love Guinness beer to begin with, so I might be biased.  Nevertheless, the bold, black coffee cloak of the Irish classic enveloped the milk chocolate which somehow made my tastebuds do a Riverdance of joy.  It was like a run-of-the mill chocolate ice cream that had a boosting agent that both complimented and intensified the cocoa element of the creation.  If they ever have the All Black flavor, get it and you will thank your Lucky Charms you tried it.  Well, that’s all for me on my end, so try Honey Bowl if you’re missing some delicious Western breakfast food.  You won’t bee sorry.

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